Who you calling a bottom?
By Joshua Polk
Within the SGL (same gender loving) community being a bottom carries many stigmas that not only demean millions of men but further permeates the negative connotation of being a bottom. In a series of meetings called “Sex & Social”, led by the Black AIDS Institute’s “Revolution in Color Program”, the young group of men planned to tackle the controversial subject and set the record straight. In the meeting, participants were asked to describe traits and characteristics of men who identify as a bottom. The idea of a bottom was described as: hyperfeminine, sissy, domesticated, twink, sensitive, soft, weak, with a bubble butt. This marginalized concept of what a bottom is so limiting. Being a bottom doesn’t make anyone less masculine or any less masculine. In the gay lifestyle, if there were no bottoms then what?
Over the next two hours of the discussion, we broke down all the “assumed” character traits and it allowed for a candid discussion on why those qualities were representative of bottom. Most opinions came from personal experience. The group generalized tens of thousands of people by the few sexual encounters they had. A tally was taken on Gay.com and it stated that “26.46% preferred top, while 31.92% preferred bottom, and the largest group (41.62%) preferred versatile.” This means that 73.54% of the gay population will bottom at one point or another. Would it be right to say that 73.54% of the gay population are sensitive domesticated sissies? Would it be accurate to say that the other 26.46% of the gay population are insensitive and emotionally repressed?
In a comment on Reddit.com, a self-expressed “masculine, dominant, top” stated, “I feel that my role in most of the intimate encounters I have is to be a source of protection and courage whenever it is called for, while my partner typically assumes a more receptive role. I wish I could have it both ways and that we could both be the protector and the receiver of protection and so forth, but it rarely if ever works out that way.” This a top who has expressed his sensitivity and his need to feel secure. He wants to feel protected by his lover even though he is the “masculine, dominant, top.” His expression not only breaks the generalization that only bottoms are sensitive and emotional but expands the minds on gender identity in relation to sexual preference. It is impossible to be neither sensitive nor emotional, it is the human condition to be both.
If every bottom who felt like they were being marginalized decided to go on strike from all sexual intercourse, we would find ourselves in between forced celibacy and increased masturbation. So, before this sexual revolution occurs, what do we do? By the end of Revolution in Color’s discussion, we realized that being intentionally open minded when it comes to sex and identity is very necessary. We should deliberately shun off our own opinions of what people should look like or how they should act until we get to a place where the slate is always clean. If someone tells you that they are a bottom, the only information that you have collected from them is the role they play in bed, not who they are as a person. Sexual identity does not equate to personal identity. The stigma that correlates with being a bottom is highly unfair because they are an integral part of gay culture. Our culture is all about accepting the “stereotypical” abnormalities in the hetero culture and building a solid foundation of love and support from that acceptance. What if you were being put down because of a sexual preference or because of the type of people you were attracted to? Oh, wait, if you re gay man in the United States, more than likely, its already happened to you. How’d that make you feel? Think about it.
Joshua Polk is a Health Education Specialist at The Black AIDS Institute. Joshua can be contacted at JoshuaP@blackaids.org or 213–353–3610 x 120.
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